Saturday, October 1, 2011
Following footsteps
I don't have cable television, but occasionally I have watched the show "Giuliana and Bill" while at my parents house. Especially after 2 people told me they had seen interviews with them about their infertility struggles. They have spent a lot of effort trying to educate people and get us all talking about something we don't talk about. Infertility is more common than it seems sometimes. (right now its like every time I turn around some one is pregnant and it just crushes me) If you watch the show regularly you know that they have now done IVF 3 times. The first time she got pregnant but had a miscarriage. The second time it didn't work. The third I don't know the outcome of yet. But I really hope it works for them! Plus it will help give me hope. I watched the season finale with my parents (Where they did IVF #3) Giuliana kept saying she was really scared and didn't want to get "sick" like last time. I had not seen their 2nd attempt but just looked it up (and am now sharing with you). It gave me goose bumps. She ended up exactly like me!! In the hospital for internal bleeding. Fortunately mine wasn't as severe (i.e. I didn't require a blood transfusion) but everything else was the same. Sadly we both ended up not pregnant afterwards too. During the scene she and Bill were both like "not again!!" and I completely understand. While I was going through my horror of IVF I kept saying "I hope this works because I REALLY don't want to do this again!" Sadly I do.
Well, after Giuliana and Bill didn't get pregnant after IVF #2 they took what they called "a year of fun". We are doing a modified version of that. I'm not ready to jump back into the possibility of internal bleeding again for no purpose. I can't even stand to think of how awful I felt. I was so sick I threw up in the car going about a block from my doctors office to the hospital several times. Thank God for IVs and Zofran and pain medicine! It is such a crazy feeling to not go right back into IVF because I want a baby sooo badly. But I need time off. So for our "Time of fun" I told my family I want a cruise for Christmas. It would be over our 4th anniversary, leaving from Charleston and going to the Bahamas. I am really really excited about it and already bought a gorgeous cocktail dress for the "Fancy" night on the cruise. I think it is a good idea for us to go on a vacation before we do IVF again. If it works then we wont have a just us vacation for a really long time!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Is there a purpose to all this pain??
Well our first IVF cycle is officially over. And officially labeled a "failure". So no baby Johnson's on the way right now. We are quite devastated. I really thought this would work for us. We had so many people praying but I guess God said it isn't meant to be right now. This is hard to take. Every time I get my hopes up they are crushed. Sometimes I wonder what I have done wrong. Am I being punished? Why can't we have something that many get without trying or that people get and then abort? Is my random thought from when I was a part time nanny to a wonderful baby 3 years ago that I could love her or a baby like her as if she was my own a premonition? Are we going to have to give up on the dream of having biological children? Am I never going to experience pregnancy like I have dreamed of since I was 5 and my Mom was pregnant with my little brother? WHY GOD??? WHY US??!!! I know He has a plan, but I wish He would let me in on it!
The cycle seemed to go pretty well until the day of surgery to remove my eggs. We drove to Charleston that morning excited and nervous. They got me changed and an IV started and then I was asleep. A while later they woke me up and "drunk walked" me into another room. Once there they let Stephen in to see me and I remember telling him "the pain isn't that bad, just like bad period cramps." I was glad because I was worried it would hurt a lot, after all they had been poking around with needles inside of me. The Dr came in and told us they got 12 eggs and he was happy with that number. We were happy too. After resting a while they sent us on our way home. On the way home the anesthetic wore off and I was in pretty significant pain. We made it home and I took pain meds and some anti-nausea meds and tried to sleep. Well they didn't help too much, I did start vomiting that night, but I figured it was because of the anesthetic and just tried to sleep. Sleeping didn't go too well. I told my boss there was no way I could come in the next morning like I had planned, I had never felt so sick and been in so much pain before. The next morning Stephen left me sleeping and went to work. I woke up and tried to eat some food so I could take more pain medicine and rest. Not thinking he had left the dogs free in the house with me and they ALL (we have 3) wanted to be on the bed with me. They were being sweet but when you are in pain and nauseous 3 dogs in your bed is no fun. Stephen came home at lunch to put them up and check on me. I felt awful but didn't want him to stay home with me and miss more work so he headed back. Well as soon as he left I started vomiting, A LOT! and I was in even worse pain. I tried to call my Mom first to come take care of me but when I couldn't get a hold of her I called Stephen and told him to call the doctor because this was not normal and I needed him to come home to at least clean up the mess I made.
He came home and like a champ cleaned up and called the doctor. Of course the doctor wanted to talk to me especially as he put it "because I know you are a nurse and may have more insight". Well after talking for a few minutes and with the questions he asked me I had my suspicions confirmed: he thought I was bleeding internally from a "nick" with the needle during egg retrieval surgery. So we went to our doctor in town who ended up admitting me to the hospital for the night after I almost threw up on his shoes! So I went from having never had an IV to Two in about 24 hours! But the 2nd IV was the best thing in the world, it meant I could have IV zofran to help me not throw up anymore! plus it helped replace the fluids I lost. I spent the night and was let go the next afternoon once my blood work came back "better". The morning after coming home we went back to Charleston for the embryo transfer. They were worried I couldn't do the transfer since I had such problems but after an ultrasound (where we saw the internal bleeding, which by then had stopped on its own) they decided I was ok enough to proceed. They put two of our 6 embryos that developed back into me and away we went home. I was on bed rest for the next few days.
The next week I was back to work and feeling better, but still really tired from the whole ordeal. We then found out the rest of the embryos quit developing so we had none to freeze for later use, so if this didn't work (which of course it didn't UGH!) we would have to go through this WHOLE thing again if we wanted a baby. So I was very upset, but hopeful at that time. Sadly this Monday we found out it didn't work. We are very very sad and don't know what the future holds. We are meeting with the doctor in a few weeks to discuss what went "wrong" and what went "right" with this IVF and what we could do for the future if we "want to continue treatment". Oh if only it was that simple. If only IVF didn't cost upwards of $10,000 for once cycle WITH our insurance! If only I was super wealthy and didn't have to work, then sure! sign me up right now! But instead we just don't know where to go from here. I'm not ready to give up having biological children, not yet. I just don't know what to do other than pray and cry. I thought I would cry tears of joy this August, I really really thought this would work, we had everything in our favor. "you are about 10 years younger than most of our patients!" we kept hearing. So time may be on our side, but we want to be parents NOW! As a Christian woman being a mother has always been my biggest goal in life and now I don't know if it will ever happen. I just continue to pray that I can accept this (like I have a choice!) and remember that no matter what God has a bigger plan that I can't see. (but OH how I wish He would give me a glance!!)
The cycle seemed to go pretty well until the day of surgery to remove my eggs. We drove to Charleston that morning excited and nervous. They got me changed and an IV started and then I was asleep. A while later they woke me up and "drunk walked" me into another room. Once there they let Stephen in to see me and I remember telling him "the pain isn't that bad, just like bad period cramps." I was glad because I was worried it would hurt a lot, after all they had been poking around with needles inside of me. The Dr came in and told us they got 12 eggs and he was happy with that number. We were happy too. After resting a while they sent us on our way home. On the way home the anesthetic wore off and I was in pretty significant pain. We made it home and I took pain meds and some anti-nausea meds and tried to sleep. Well they didn't help too much, I did start vomiting that night, but I figured it was because of the anesthetic and just tried to sleep. Sleeping didn't go too well. I told my boss there was no way I could come in the next morning like I had planned, I had never felt so sick and been in so much pain before. The next morning Stephen left me sleeping and went to work. I woke up and tried to eat some food so I could take more pain medicine and rest. Not thinking he had left the dogs free in the house with me and they ALL (we have 3) wanted to be on the bed with me. They were being sweet but when you are in pain and nauseous 3 dogs in your bed is no fun. Stephen came home at lunch to put them up and check on me. I felt awful but didn't want him to stay home with me and miss more work so he headed back. Well as soon as he left I started vomiting, A LOT! and I was in even worse pain. I tried to call my Mom first to come take care of me but when I couldn't get a hold of her I called Stephen and told him to call the doctor because this was not normal and I needed him to come home to at least clean up the mess I made.
He came home and like a champ cleaned up and called the doctor. Of course the doctor wanted to talk to me especially as he put it "because I know you are a nurse and may have more insight". Well after talking for a few minutes and with the questions he asked me I had my suspicions confirmed: he thought I was bleeding internally from a "nick" with the needle during egg retrieval surgery. So we went to our doctor in town who ended up admitting me to the hospital for the night after I almost threw up on his shoes! So I went from having never had an IV to Two in about 24 hours! But the 2nd IV was the best thing in the world, it meant I could have IV zofran to help me not throw up anymore! plus it helped replace the fluids I lost. I spent the night and was let go the next afternoon once my blood work came back "better". The morning after coming home we went back to Charleston for the embryo transfer. They were worried I couldn't do the transfer since I had such problems but after an ultrasound (where we saw the internal bleeding, which by then had stopped on its own) they decided I was ok enough to proceed. They put two of our 6 embryos that developed back into me and away we went home. I was on bed rest for the next few days.
The next week I was back to work and feeling better, but still really tired from the whole ordeal. We then found out the rest of the embryos quit developing so we had none to freeze for later use, so if this didn't work (which of course it didn't UGH!) we would have to go through this WHOLE thing again if we wanted a baby. So I was very upset, but hopeful at that time. Sadly this Monday we found out it didn't work. We are very very sad and don't know what the future holds. We are meeting with the doctor in a few weeks to discuss what went "wrong" and what went "right" with this IVF and what we could do for the future if we "want to continue treatment". Oh if only it was that simple. If only IVF didn't cost upwards of $10,000 for once cycle WITH our insurance! If only I was super wealthy and didn't have to work, then sure! sign me up right now! But instead we just don't know where to go from here. I'm not ready to give up having biological children, not yet. I just don't know what to do other than pray and cry. I thought I would cry tears of joy this August, I really really thought this would work, we had everything in our favor. "you are about 10 years younger than most of our patients!" we kept hearing. So time may be on our side, but we want to be parents NOW! As a Christian woman being a mother has always been my biggest goal in life and now I don't know if it will ever happen. I just continue to pray that I can accept this (like I have a choice!) and remember that no matter what God has a bigger plan that I can't see. (but OH how I wish He would give me a glance!!)
Monday, July 18, 2011
From the Depths of Woe
So it has been a while since I have shared anything on my blog. I have been incredibly busy planning and carrying out the details of our in-vitro fertilization cycle. This has been the hardest thing we have been through as a couple. It has been so hard to watch friends and family have babies after babies and still try to have hope every month that "maybe this is it" and then be crushed all over again.
It was funny for me to realize that an in-vitro cycle starts with birth control pills! I mean why would you take birth control if you WANT a baby?? But then I understood the science and medicine behind it. after birth control for two weeks the doctors started me on a medicine called Lupron. which suppresses egg growth and ovulation. This is another injection that I would give to myself daily. At first it wasn't that bad. I give shots like a hundred times a day and these didn't hurt. YET! After about 10 days on the Lupron they started me on the "stimulating" injectible medications. So every morning I had to mix 2 meds in one syringe (which dulls the needle slightly but has made a HUGE difference in giving myself that shot.....oww) and at night I have to give myself the other shot. The shots are easiest to give myself in the stomach so that is where they went for over two weeks. Then this last weekend after crying when giving myself my morning shot I told Stephen he would have to help me. They had to go in my arms some cause my stomach was WAY too sore from all the needles poking it. Well he is a bit squeamish around needles and up till that point would either turn around or go in another room when it was time for the shots. But seeing me cry made him realize he would have to help.
Hard thing is I'm a nurse. I give shots ALL the time! Plus I'm a bit of a "control freak". So eventually I decided his job would be to pinch up the skin on my arms for the shots to go in and that I would give them to myself....even if I used my non dominant hand! I did let him press the plunger of the syringe once though... I told my Mom I think it would be different if I wasn't a nurse and my IVF nurse taught us how to give a shot together instead of my learning it years ago and being licensed, etc. But oh well! I've come to the conclusion that for me, right now, in-vitro is a bit like torture. I give myself shots every day, twice a day right now. These shots make my ovaries grow enormous in size and let me tell you it is quite painful. They also mess with my hormones so I'm cranky one minute, sad then next, and then happy. (Maybe Stephen won't be as shocked by pregnancy hormones as most guys!) Then I go to the doctor where they draw blood (MORE NEEDLES!) and do ultra sounds of my ovaries which aren't too much fun. Today was even more like torture as the ultra sound was so painful it drew tears from me. But I just kept saying its ok if this is what it takes. Already these children that don't yet exist are the most important things in my life. I would do anything for them, and already am. These children are going to grow up soo very loved and never ever doubt that they were wanted.
The other day Stephen and I were talking randomly about hymns we love. I couldn't remember the name of my favorite. So I naturally went to google and searched through they trinity hymnal online until I found The depths of Woe by Martin Luther. I have loved this song for years but it was never as meaningful to me as it is now. I have been in the depths of woe. But I kept looking to God and praying for his perfect timing and his perfect plan for our lives. I pray now that this works and we end up with a wonderful healthy baby (or TWINS!!) but I also pray that if this is not his plan that he will help us through it and that I will remember he does have a plan! (although if it is that case it will be very very hard for me) So if you are a praying person PLEASE! send up a prayer or two or more for us as we go through this hard time. I may be having surgery to remove the eggs this weekend and I have to admit I'm a little frightened having never had surgery or even an IV before. But in the end if we end up with a baby or two it will all be worth it. Thank you!
From depths of woe I raise to thee
The voice of lamentation;
Lord, turn a gracious ear to me
And hear my supplication:
If thou iniquities dost mark,
Our secret sins and misdeeds dark,
O who shall stand before thee?
To wash away the crimson stain,
Grace, grace alone availeth;
Our works, alas! are all in vain;
In much the best life faileth:
No man can glory in thy sight,
All must alike confess thy might,
And live alone by mercy.
Therefore my trust is in the Lord,
And not in mine own merit;
On him my soul shall rest, his Word
Upholds my fainting spirit:
His promised mercy is my fort,
My comfort and my sweet support;
I wait for it with patience.
It was funny for me to realize that an in-vitro cycle starts with birth control pills! I mean why would you take birth control if you WANT a baby?? But then I understood the science and medicine behind it. after birth control for two weeks the doctors started me on a medicine called Lupron. which suppresses egg growth and ovulation. This is another injection that I would give to myself daily. At first it wasn't that bad. I give shots like a hundred times a day and these didn't hurt. YET! After about 10 days on the Lupron they started me on the "stimulating" injectible medications. So every morning I had to mix 2 meds in one syringe (which dulls the needle slightly but has made a HUGE difference in giving myself that shot.....oww) and at night I have to give myself the other shot. The shots are easiest to give myself in the stomach so that is where they went for over two weeks. Then this last weekend after crying when giving myself my morning shot I told Stephen he would have to help me. They had to go in my arms some cause my stomach was WAY too sore from all the needles poking it. Well he is a bit squeamish around needles and up till that point would either turn around or go in another room when it was time for the shots. But seeing me cry made him realize he would have to help.
Hard thing is I'm a nurse. I give shots ALL the time! Plus I'm a bit of a "control freak". So eventually I decided his job would be to pinch up the skin on my arms for the shots to go in and that I would give them to myself....even if I used my non dominant hand! I did let him press the plunger of the syringe once though... I told my Mom I think it would be different if I wasn't a nurse and my IVF nurse taught us how to give a shot together instead of my learning it years ago and being licensed, etc. But oh well! I've come to the conclusion that for me, right now, in-vitro is a bit like torture. I give myself shots every day, twice a day right now. These shots make my ovaries grow enormous in size and let me tell you it is quite painful. They also mess with my hormones so I'm cranky one minute, sad then next, and then happy. (Maybe Stephen won't be as shocked by pregnancy hormones as most guys!) Then I go to the doctor where they draw blood (MORE NEEDLES!) and do ultra sounds of my ovaries which aren't too much fun. Today was even more like torture as the ultra sound was so painful it drew tears from me. But I just kept saying its ok if this is what it takes. Already these children that don't yet exist are the most important things in my life. I would do anything for them, and already am. These children are going to grow up soo very loved and never ever doubt that they were wanted.
The other day Stephen and I were talking randomly about hymns we love. I couldn't remember the name of my favorite. So I naturally went to google and searched through they trinity hymnal online until I found The depths of Woe by Martin Luther. I have loved this song for years but it was never as meaningful to me as it is now. I have been in the depths of woe. But I kept looking to God and praying for his perfect timing and his perfect plan for our lives. I pray now that this works and we end up with a wonderful healthy baby (or TWINS!!) but I also pray that if this is not his plan that he will help us through it and that I will remember he does have a plan! (although if it is that case it will be very very hard for me) So if you are a praying person PLEASE! send up a prayer or two or more for us as we go through this hard time. I may be having surgery to remove the eggs this weekend and I have to admit I'm a little frightened having never had surgery or even an IV before. But in the end if we end up with a baby or two it will all be worth it. Thank you!
From depths of woe I raise to thee
The voice of lamentation;
Lord, turn a gracious ear to me
And hear my supplication:
If thou iniquities dost mark,
Our secret sins and misdeeds dark,
O who shall stand before thee?
To wash away the crimson stain,
Grace, grace alone availeth;
Our works, alas! are all in vain;
In much the best life faileth:
No man can glory in thy sight,
All must alike confess thy might,
And live alone by mercy.
Therefore my trust is in the Lord,
And not in mine own merit;
On him my soul shall rest, his Word
Upholds my fainting spirit:
His promised mercy is my fort,
My comfort and my sweet support;
I wait for it with patience.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Time to share some knowledge!
So I've decided to share what we will be going through in the coming months. This is to educate any one reading this blog as to the difficulty and the process of in-vitro fertilization. There are many variations but I will share just what we will go through. I hope you find it interesting and that it helps you know more about this process. (I personally found it interesting even before we were going to have to go through it but I am a nurse and always found the whole "getting pregnant" thing pretty amazing! Now I think this is even more amazing and I am so thankful that God has given knowledge to our doctors to allow people like us who just 30 years ago may have been unable to have biological children.) These facts will be taken directly from the website of our fertility clinic Southeastern Fertility Center. ( www.sefertility.com)
In-Vitro Fertilization
Overview:
In-vitro fertilization is a process that involves the administration of medications that stimulate the development, growth, and maturation of eggs on the ovaries. This process of egg recruitment typically starts with a medication called Lupron which helps us control the menstrual cycle by decreasing your body's production of Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) and Luteinizing Hormone (LH). After the Lupron is administered for 12 to 14 days we then start the administration of injectable medications to stimulate egg development.
The egg development will be followed closely with a combination of ultrasound monitoring and blood work. When the eggs have reached optimum maturation (typically after 10 days of medications) human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG) is administered to start the sequence of ovulation. Approximately 35 hours after the HCG administration you are given anesthesia and your eggs are harvested from your ovaries with a needle guided by ultrasound.
After the eggs are removed from the ovary they are placed in culture media designed to mimic the conditions of the fallopian tube (where fertilization typically takes place). The eggs are then combined with the sperm and the resulting embryos are nourished in an incubator that is maintained at precise temperatures to mimic the conditions in the human body.
Embryo development is then observed assessing embryo morphology, cell count and growth velocity. At the appropriate stage of development the embryos are placed into the uterus through a very simple procedure similar to a pap smear. A pregnancy test is then performed approximately 10 days later.
It is through these technologies that we have been able to dramatically increase pregnancy rates for women with infertility. This procedure bypasses the fallopian tubes and accordingly patients with damaged or absent fallopian tubes can become pregnant. This technique has also been instrumental in helping patients with endometriosis, severe male factor infertility, and many other disorders become pregnant.
Southeastern Fertility Center also offers a variety of modifications to the standard IVF process to help patients with specific disorders. We offer intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) for couples with male factor infertility, preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD) for couples with genetic disorders and assisted hatching for patients with repeat IVF failure.
Our Doctors have also decided to use ICSI with us. It is a newer technique that is bringing about even better results! We are very excited to be blessed with such amazing Doctors and nurses.
Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI)
Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) is a technique that has dramatically increased pregnancy rates in couples suffering from severe male factor infertility (low sperm counts). ICSI patients undergo the standard in vitro fertilization procedure with the exception that the sperm is injected directly into the egg.
After the eggs are retrieved, intracytoplasmic sperm injection is performed with the insertion of a single sperm directly into a mature egg. The picture on the top shows the embryologist performing ICSI and the microscopic picture on the bottom show the egg being held by the holding pipette on the left and ICSI needle with sperm on the bottom right. This often results in fertilization and development of normal embryos.
With the advent of ICSI, the majority of severe male factor infertility can be successfully treated. New procedures such as MESA and TESA allow men with little or no sperm in their ejaculate to produce a pregnancy. In these procedures, a single sperm is extracted directly from the male reproductive tract, specially prepared, and inserted into the female's egg.
I am excited and nervous to go through this process. I certainly hope it works!! Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. They are certainly appreciated and we really need them as we continue on this "roller coaster" ride toward parenthood!
(Don't worry we won't turn into "Jon and Kate + 8"! Our Doctors will only put in 2 embryos at a time....so maybe we will get twins! Personally I think that would be pretty awesome)
In-Vitro Fertilization
Overview:
In-vitro fertilization is a process that involves the administration of medications that stimulate the development, growth, and maturation of eggs on the ovaries. This process of egg recruitment typically starts with a medication called Lupron which helps us control the menstrual cycle by decreasing your body's production of Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) and Luteinizing Hormone (LH). After the Lupron is administered for 12 to 14 days we then start the administration of injectable medications to stimulate egg development.
The egg development will be followed closely with a combination of ultrasound monitoring and blood work. When the eggs have reached optimum maturation (typically after 10 days of medications) human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG) is administered to start the sequence of ovulation. Approximately 35 hours after the HCG administration you are given anesthesia and your eggs are harvested from your ovaries with a needle guided by ultrasound.
After the eggs are removed from the ovary they are placed in culture media designed to mimic the conditions of the fallopian tube (where fertilization typically takes place). The eggs are then combined with the sperm and the resulting embryos are nourished in an incubator that is maintained at precise temperatures to mimic the conditions in the human body.
Embryo development is then observed assessing embryo morphology, cell count and growth velocity. At the appropriate stage of development the embryos are placed into the uterus through a very simple procedure similar to a pap smear. A pregnancy test is then performed approximately 10 days later.
It is through these technologies that we have been able to dramatically increase pregnancy rates for women with infertility. This procedure bypasses the fallopian tubes and accordingly patients with damaged or absent fallopian tubes can become pregnant. This technique has also been instrumental in helping patients with endometriosis, severe male factor infertility, and many other disorders become pregnant.
Southeastern Fertility Center also offers a variety of modifications to the standard IVF process to help patients with specific disorders. We offer intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) for couples with male factor infertility, preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD) for couples with genetic disorders and assisted hatching for patients with repeat IVF failure.
Our Doctors have also decided to use ICSI with us. It is a newer technique that is bringing about even better results! We are very excited to be blessed with such amazing Doctors and nurses.
Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI)
Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) is a technique that has dramatically increased pregnancy rates in couples suffering from severe male factor infertility (low sperm counts). ICSI patients undergo the standard in vitro fertilization procedure with the exception that the sperm is injected directly into the egg.After the eggs are retrieved, intracytoplasmic sperm injection is performed with the insertion of a single sperm directly into a mature egg. The picture on the top shows the embryologist performing ICSI and the microscopic picture on the bottom show the egg being held by the holding pipette on the left and ICSI needle with sperm on the bottom right. This often results in fertilization and development of normal embryos.
With the advent of ICSI, the majority of severe male factor infertility can be successfully treated. New procedures such as MESA and TESA allow men with little or no sperm in their ejaculate to produce a pregnancy. In these procedures, a single sperm is extracted directly from the male reproductive tract, specially prepared, and inserted into the female's egg.I am excited and nervous to go through this process. I certainly hope it works!! Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. They are certainly appreciated and we really need them as we continue on this "roller coaster" ride toward parenthood!
(Don't worry we won't turn into "Jon and Kate + 8"! Our Doctors will only put in 2 embryos at a time....so maybe we will get twins! Personally I think that would be pretty awesome)
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Just a few thoughts...
It has been a tough couple of weeks for me. I knew Mother's Day was coming and to say it was a painful idea is just the tip of the ice berg. I also have a niece due any day and while I am truly happy for her parents it is also hard for me knowing we can't experience those same feelings. It makes me mad that for us having a child will be so technical and involve many people and be extremely planned. When we got married I told Stephen I was looking forward to telling him I was pregnant someday and it being a complete shock. Well he turned to me and said, no, it will be when we plan it. HA! Guess he gets his wish....Now we are looking at the calender, looking at money, looking at jobs etc and then deciding when might be the best time to tell the doctor we want to start the long and tedious process of IVF. Truth be told I don't want to give myself multiple shots a day and be poked and prodded. It all just seems so unfair! But if the end result is a baby then I'm more than willing to do it.
I knew Mother's Day was gonna suck for me. I have a great husband that got me a card from my fur kids and it made me cry...he is so sweet. Lately I don't know how to make it through things, I am trying to protect myself from yet more pain, but it never goes away. I have been to all the baby showers and congratulated new parents, friends and family. While I am happy for them a part of me seems to break every time. I've grown tired of crying on my way home from my in laws from seeing my niece and nephew so I started avoiding it. I hope you can understand why. All the Christian infertility books I've read say its ok, but I'm such a "people pleaser" I worry and stress about that too!
Some days I don't know how I can possibly keep going. I try to stay strong and give my dogs a hug (I am SOOO thankful for them!!) and talk to my husband. When I feel all alone in my pain I remember that I have him and know that others have been in my shoes. I don't know why we have been given this burden but I try to remember that God is in control, He has a plan for us and that this will make us love and appreciate any children we are given THAT much more! Now I want to share a Mother's Day poem I found on an infertility blog:
“Happy Mother's Day”
It comes around every year;
but when you have empty arms,
it's very hard to hear.
It's a day to celebrate a mother,
for all the trials she overcame;
and a reminder to an infertile
of her loneliness and shame.
But what really makes a mother,
Is it just conception and birth?
Or is there something more,
that shows a mother's worth?
It's putting your child first,
in everything you do;
it's sacrifice and determination,
and love and patience too.
An infertile woman makes all her plans,
around a child not yet conceived;
she loves them even though they aren't here,
more than she ever could have believed.
She appreciates and understands,
what a blessing that children are;
she works hard for just a chance,
that motherhood is not that far.
All odds are stacked against her,
and yet she still has hope;
everyday is another struggle,
finding ways to help her cope.
So even though her arms are empty,
she can still be a mother too;
So say a special “Happy Mother's Day”
for those waiting for their dreams to come true!I know Mother's Day is over, I'm a little late but I thought it was very nice. If you think about us we appreciate your prayers.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Remembering a wonderful woman
Sometimes when I wake up on weekend mornings it is still early (guess my body is just used to getting up) but I force myself to lie there. I tend to think a lot during these times and sometimes my thoughts make me cry. Lately I think about our recent struggles with infertility. This is something I NEVER thought we would face. It is incredibly hard to want a baby your whole life and "know" you would be awesome parents but be told that outside of In Vitro Fertilization (hence forth to be known as IVF) your chances together are 2%!!! So maybe you can see why I wake up and think about things and end up crying. Well Saturday was one of those mornings and after I cried and felt sorry for myself the day went on as usual. But Sunday morning I woke up and started thinking of my Grandmommy. My Mom's Mom. This topic also brought the tears (and still does.....but hey I'm a pretty emotional person).
She was a big part of my life growing up and was always a steady rock. She was the most easy going person you would every meet. When I was in high school she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Which is a degenerative disease that affects the brain. It was hard to understand what was going to happen, all I knew was that she was having trouble remembering things and that she could no longer live by herself. One summer (I think before my Senior year but I'm not sure anymore) she came to stay at our house for a few months. We had a great time. She loved being with my Mom and hanging out with us and the cats. We always had someone with her but she was fairly "normal" at this time. We even took her to Charleston and while she moved slower and we had to not do as much we had a great time. She and my Mom talked about her moving here and even found an assisted living place near my parents house that she said she liked. But there were some issues among her children and she never came to stay with us that summer. Eventually she did move here to be close to my Mom who went to see her EVERY day. (and we all went a lot). But she was not the same Grandmommy of just a few months before. Her disease had progressed very fast and she seemed to no longer recognize us or put names with faces. It was heart breaking. But we loved her and went to see her telling her about her life and showing her pictures. She was still soo sweet and always wanted to do something. She liked to go for rides from her special Alzheimer's assisted living unit to visit the cats at my Mom's house and see the ducks and geese. She really only liked it if my Dad drove, if my Mom did she acted just like a Mom telling her to be careful. It was something we just had to find humorous or lose ourselves in grief. One of my fondest memories of this hard time was going to visit her just me and my Mom. I have been told numerous times I look "just like" my Mom. Well apparently my Grandmommy thought so too because one day while visiting she looked at me then over to my Mom and back and forth, then said "Oh! There is two of you!!" with a huge smile on her face. As if it was the best thing in the world. And really to her it probably was.
Well suffice it to say her disease got worse and worse. She eventually really didn't seem to know who we were. Sometimes something would seem to trigger a memory: riding in the front seat next to my Dad seemed to make her remember riding in a car with her husband. Seeing my brother grow up sometimes when we visited she talked to him as if he were one of her sons. We went along with these things and just tried to make her happy. Eventually she didn't really talk any more and it got harder and harder to go see her because it was hard to connect her with the vibrant loving Grandmommy I had known. But we did. My wonderful, amazing Mother went EVERY day. Even when she would come home in tears for the woman who brought her into this world. We hated this disease and felt for any other families going through it. Eventually, as is the case most of the time with Alzheimer's, my Grandmommy got pneumonia. The doctors told us this was it. We moved her to my parent's house and had hospice come in to help us care for her. Even though I was no longer living with my parents I came back to stay and help. I was in the midst of nursing school and felt I could help care for her in special ways that others in my family couldn't. We cared for her and loved her, prayed next to her and cried as she went home to be with the Lord in March of 2007. I know she is in heaven dancing with her husband and praising God.
I wish she had never had to go through this awful disease. I wish my family didn't have to witness it and try to help her through it. Diseases like this can tear families apart. But I am also thankful because in a very sad way it brought me closer to her. I got to spend the last years of her life living in the same city. Before we lived 1000 miles apart. She taught me a lot in those last few years. I've been told I have her green eyes and my reddish-blond hair is partially attributed to her; but the most important thing I learned was LOVE. She was a woman who loved her family. It was evident even when she could no longer voice her love. I also credit her for leading me to be a nurse. Helping care for her opened a love of caring for those who cannot care for themselves.
It may seem odd that I woke up Sunday and thought of my Grandmommy, but honestly I think of her often. Really, every time I look at my left hand. My Mom gave me her Mom's engagement and wedding rings when Stephen and I got engaged. She felt that my Grandmommy would have wanted me to have them. It may not have the biggest diamond but I remember a wonderful woman and the man that loved her every time I see them on my hand. She was so special to me in life and she is very special to me after her death. When I look at my beautiful rings I know I will never forget her or her story.
She was a big part of my life growing up and was always a steady rock. She was the most easy going person you would every meet. When I was in high school she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Which is a degenerative disease that affects the brain. It was hard to understand what was going to happen, all I knew was that she was having trouble remembering things and that she could no longer live by herself. One summer (I think before my Senior year but I'm not sure anymore) she came to stay at our house for a few months. We had a great time. She loved being with my Mom and hanging out with us and the cats. We always had someone with her but she was fairly "normal" at this time. We even took her to Charleston and while she moved slower and we had to not do as much we had a great time. She and my Mom talked about her moving here and even found an assisted living place near my parents house that she said she liked. But there were some issues among her children and she never came to stay with us that summer. Eventually she did move here to be close to my Mom who went to see her EVERY day. (and we all went a lot). But she was not the same Grandmommy of just a few months before. Her disease had progressed very fast and she seemed to no longer recognize us or put names with faces. It was heart breaking. But we loved her and went to see her telling her about her life and showing her pictures. She was still soo sweet and always wanted to do something. She liked to go for rides from her special Alzheimer's assisted living unit to visit the cats at my Mom's house and see the ducks and geese. She really only liked it if my Dad drove, if my Mom did she acted just like a Mom telling her to be careful. It was something we just had to find humorous or lose ourselves in grief. One of my fondest memories of this hard time was going to visit her just me and my Mom. I have been told numerous times I look "just like" my Mom. Well apparently my Grandmommy thought so too because one day while visiting she looked at me then over to my Mom and back and forth, then said "Oh! There is two of you!!" with a huge smile on her face. As if it was the best thing in the world. And really to her it probably was.
Well suffice it to say her disease got worse and worse. She eventually really didn't seem to know who we were. Sometimes something would seem to trigger a memory: riding in the front seat next to my Dad seemed to make her remember riding in a car with her husband. Seeing my brother grow up sometimes when we visited she talked to him as if he were one of her sons. We went along with these things and just tried to make her happy. Eventually she didn't really talk any more and it got harder and harder to go see her because it was hard to connect her with the vibrant loving Grandmommy I had known. But we did. My wonderful, amazing Mother went EVERY day. Even when she would come home in tears for the woman who brought her into this world. We hated this disease and felt for any other families going through it. Eventually, as is the case most of the time with Alzheimer's, my Grandmommy got pneumonia. The doctors told us this was it. We moved her to my parent's house and had hospice come in to help us care for her. Even though I was no longer living with my parents I came back to stay and help. I was in the midst of nursing school and felt I could help care for her in special ways that others in my family couldn't. We cared for her and loved her, prayed next to her and cried as she went home to be with the Lord in March of 2007. I know she is in heaven dancing with her husband and praising God.
I wish she had never had to go through this awful disease. I wish my family didn't have to witness it and try to help her through it. Diseases like this can tear families apart. But I am also thankful because in a very sad way it brought me closer to her. I got to spend the last years of her life living in the same city. Before we lived 1000 miles apart. She taught me a lot in those last few years. I've been told I have her green eyes and my reddish-blond hair is partially attributed to her; but the most important thing I learned was LOVE. She was a woman who loved her family. It was evident even when she could no longer voice her love. I also credit her for leading me to be a nurse. Helping care for her opened a love of caring for those who cannot care for themselves.
It may seem odd that I woke up Sunday and thought of my Grandmommy, but honestly I think of her often. Really, every time I look at my left hand. My Mom gave me her Mom's engagement and wedding rings when Stephen and I got engaged. She felt that my Grandmommy would have wanted me to have them. It may not have the biggest diamond but I remember a wonderful woman and the man that loved her every time I see them on my hand. She was so special to me in life and she is very special to me after her death. When I look at my beautiful rings I know I will never forget her or her story.
Friday, March 11, 2011
The Broken Ankle Saga continues...
Well I went to the doctor on February 22nd and they took my first green cast off. I met the ankle specialist and he said he wanted me back in another cast because I broke one of the hardest bones to heal. In most cases when this bone breaks patients need a pin put in to hold the bone together. Fortunately he thought I had not broken it badly enough to warrant surgery but that given time it would heal itself. I got a new cast, this time a light blue and was told to wait 10 days before trying to walk and then if it hurt to much after that to wait.
Well let me tell you it is sure hard to be a nurse on crutches! Before I broke my ankle I was the "runner" in our little team. Constantly grabbing new patients and checking them in, doing skin test, giving allergy shots, getting charts etc. Well obviously this had to change. My being one of two nurses in our office meant Debbie has had to take on that role (which she was a big part of before given the amount of patients we see a day, but I did more running due to her arthritis in her knee, plus she is SOO much better at dealing with patients on the phone after almost 30 years of being an allergy nurse!) We have such a great group working with our doctor that came together to help Debbie and I in this tough situation.
I am still giving a lot of allergy shots and checking in patients with the help of our admin. assistant who walks them back to a room. Also the doctor I work for is amazing! He has no problem checking in a patient himself, doing the skin tests himself etc. I really could not work for a better doctor and I think I am quite spoiled!! Still the amount of standing and moving with the crutches is exhausting. Just grabbing our encounter sheets for allergy shots and pulling their shot records, getting vials and shots ready plus calling patient after patient in a row is enough to make me want to pass out. Sometimes with the kids especially I sit in my chair so that I am on their level and bending down is difficult.I do have a rolling chair so I am able to put this to use in our little "closet" of a shot room. But as well as working for a great doctor and having a fantastic co-nurse and admin assistant I have some pretty good patients. Many told me my first week back I shouldn't be working and I would just say well I have to earn some money for all these medical bills haha. Some gave me hugs and my many kids ask me how my foot is, "is it better?" "does it hurt?" and most tell me they hope I get better soon. In more recent weeks my patients tell me I look like I feel better so I wonder what I must have looked like when I came back to work a week after I broke it.....
Well last weekend it had been 10 days since my appointment so I tried walking on the ankle some but it hurt SO bad that I pretty much gave up. The doctor told me if it hurt too much to wait. Today was another appointment with the doctor. My Mom and brother Luke took me (it is kinda funny to have my Mom take me to the doctor as she hasn't in years! But nice too) They took my blue cast off and took some x rays. I was able to scratch my leg and see how much my muscles have atrophied. I now have one skinny leg! It was soo weird that after they took the cast off I promptly rolled up my jeans on my other leg took my shoe and sock off and took a picture with my phone. When the doctor came in he said my x rays were looking good and that my ankle seemed less painful when he palpated it and that the swelling had gone down as well. I told him about the pain and he said some of that was normal it will hurt and if it goes away it is fine. He put me back in a cast to give it a bit more time to heal (purple this time!) and made it a walking cast and told me to start walking on it and get rid of the crutches soon. I asked him about my toes because they swell up everyday when I am at work and he said that it was normal for my type of injury. I go back in 3 weeks at which time I will probably be put in a walking boot. Sometimes I wonder if I will every get to wear 2 shoes again, much less the brand new nude color Jessica Simpson heels I bought a week before the break and never got to wear! I'm hoping by summer I will be back to two shoes and able to exercise some. But really I just want to be able to cook, bake, do my own laundry and CLEAN MY HOUSE!! I never thought I would be dying to clean but I really am. Don't get me wrong my hubby is very kind and caring but our definitions of clean are NOT the same!
Well let me tell you it is sure hard to be a nurse on crutches! Before I broke my ankle I was the "runner" in our little team. Constantly grabbing new patients and checking them in, doing skin test, giving allergy shots, getting charts etc. Well obviously this had to change. My being one of two nurses in our office meant Debbie has had to take on that role (which she was a big part of before given the amount of patients we see a day, but I did more running due to her arthritis in her knee, plus she is SOO much better at dealing with patients on the phone after almost 30 years of being an allergy nurse!) We have such a great group working with our doctor that came together to help Debbie and I in this tough situation.
I am still giving a lot of allergy shots and checking in patients with the help of our admin. assistant who walks them back to a room. Also the doctor I work for is amazing! He has no problem checking in a patient himself, doing the skin tests himself etc. I really could not work for a better doctor and I think I am quite spoiled!! Still the amount of standing and moving with the crutches is exhausting. Just grabbing our encounter sheets for allergy shots and pulling their shot records, getting vials and shots ready plus calling patient after patient in a row is enough to make me want to pass out. Sometimes with the kids especially I sit in my chair so that I am on their level and bending down is difficult.I do have a rolling chair so I am able to put this to use in our little "closet" of a shot room. But as well as working for a great doctor and having a fantastic co-nurse and admin assistant I have some pretty good patients. Many told me my first week back I shouldn't be working and I would just say well I have to earn some money for all these medical bills haha. Some gave me hugs and my many kids ask me how my foot is, "is it better?" "does it hurt?" and most tell me they hope I get better soon. In more recent weeks my patients tell me I look like I feel better so I wonder what I must have looked like when I came back to work a week after I broke it.....
Well last weekend it had been 10 days since my appointment so I tried walking on the ankle some but it hurt SO bad that I pretty much gave up. The doctor told me if it hurt too much to wait. Today was another appointment with the doctor. My Mom and brother Luke took me (it is kinda funny to have my Mom take me to the doctor as she hasn't in years! But nice too) They took my blue cast off and took some x rays. I was able to scratch my leg and see how much my muscles have atrophied. I now have one skinny leg! It was soo weird that after they took the cast off I promptly rolled up my jeans on my other leg took my shoe and sock off and took a picture with my phone. When the doctor came in he said my x rays were looking good and that my ankle seemed less painful when he palpated it and that the swelling had gone down as well. I told him about the pain and he said some of that was normal it will hurt and if it goes away it is fine. He put me back in a cast to give it a bit more time to heal (purple this time!) and made it a walking cast and told me to start walking on it and get rid of the crutches soon. I asked him about my toes because they swell up everyday when I am at work and he said that it was normal for my type of injury. I go back in 3 weeks at which time I will probably be put in a walking boot. Sometimes I wonder if I will every get to wear 2 shoes again, much less the brand new nude color Jessica Simpson heels I bought a week before the break and never got to wear! I'm hoping by summer I will be back to two shoes and able to exercise some. But really I just want to be able to cook, bake, do my own laundry and CLEAN MY HOUSE!! I never thought I would be dying to clean but I really am. Don't get me wrong my hubby is very kind and caring but our definitions of clean are NOT the same!
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| THE BEACH!! |
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| sunset on an island looking toward Fripp with the green cast :) |
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| my blue cast and my sweet shaggy dog! |
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| in my blue cast a Mary's baby shower |
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| my poor hairy skinny leg :( |
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| my new purple cast! |
Saturday, February 12, 2011
The Orthopedically Challenged Trio!
So last Thursday evening we were trying to finish getting ready for our trip to Fripp Island, SC on Friday. I got home first as I asked Stephen to run a few errands and grab some dinner. I decided to be nice and get all the dogs outside to potty before he came home so we could enjoy dinner together before rushing to pack/clean/etc. Problem is that Sadie was still not supposed to go down stairs so I decided that 50 pounds wasn't too heavy for me to carry (I had carried her before after all) but it just didn't work out on Thursday February 3rd. I'm not sure how it happened but I ended up falling one way and tried to correct the way my foot was turning and ended up turning it the other way too. All I know is I ended up sitting on the last step yelling and crying. OH! did I mention I was also trying to talk to my Mom while carrying Sadie down the stairs? ( I know dumb!!) So by the time I could think again (it hurt ALOT) I found my phone on the ground and crying told my Mom I think I just broke my ankle! She said ok I'm gonna call Stephen, since I told her he was on his way home, and then call me back. I heard him pull up and called out to him and then heard him talk to Mom on the phone, then he was running around to the backyard to help me get inside. We grabbed our icepack from the freezer and put it on my ankle which was already swelling and decided to go to Doctor's Care vs. the ER.
They took some x-rays and didn't see any breaks so I was told it was a sprain, no work for a week and if it still hurts after a week maybe follow up with an orthopedic doctor. He gave me some pain meds and sent us on our way. We did go to Fripp and had a pretty good time. I was on crutches and in a lot of pain. But it is so beautiful there and it was nice to see family. By the time Monday came I was no better so I called a girl I graduated nursing school with who works for an orthopedic office. She worked me in on Tuesday morning. They took more x-rays and found what looked like a break so they put me in a "air cast" that was removable and then scheduled and MRI to take a look at everything for the next day. By Thursday I felt like something was wrong with this boot thing, it was not staying inflated so we went back and got a new insert for the boot. It seemed to help.
Friday I called because my nursing supervisor needed to know any limitations I would have upon returning to work and they said none. So I forced myself to walk on the foot with the boot knowing I would have to come Monday. After going to Target with my Mom I knew that this boot was also malfunctioning. I called them again and they said to come to their walk in clinic and see a doctor who may put me in a cast as I by then was requesting. When the doctor came in he asked if anyone had told me my MRI results yet, and we said no. He said oh ok well I will tell you. How is you foot? Still hurting? and I said yes. He said ok well that's because you have two breaks. One on each side of your ankle. I was like WOW I really hurt myself! But also like HA I KNEW IT WAS BROKEN!!! (I like to be right :) He put me in cast said no weight bearing because the bones I broke are major weight bearing bones. Wrote me a note for work and off we went. I still have to follow up with a foot/ankle specialist on the 22nd but until then atleast I know my foot is secure like it needs to be, even thought the cast is a pain.
OH YEAH!! This week has not been a good week for us because we took Lucy back to the vet about her left back leg and she also has a torn ACL (probably from slipping in the snow/ice) and needs surgery. We met with the same surgeon who did Sadie's knee. Sadie had a follow up so we took Lucy at the same time. He was SOO understanding and said if or when we decided to do her surgery he would be willing to take payments from us vs. having to pay it all up front. That is not something they usually do so I was VERY thankful. But he did understand we have to wait for taxes and some more updates on my foot/ leg before we can move on to Lucy's. So basically all three of the girls in our little family are having leg problems!!
They took some x-rays and didn't see any breaks so I was told it was a sprain, no work for a week and if it still hurts after a week maybe follow up with an orthopedic doctor. He gave me some pain meds and sent us on our way. We did go to Fripp and had a pretty good time. I was on crutches and in a lot of pain. But it is so beautiful there and it was nice to see family. By the time Monday came I was no better so I called a girl I graduated nursing school with who works for an orthopedic office. She worked me in on Tuesday morning. They took more x-rays and found what looked like a break so they put me in a "air cast" that was removable and then scheduled and MRI to take a look at everything for the next day. By Thursday I felt like something was wrong with this boot thing, it was not staying inflated so we went back and got a new insert for the boot. It seemed to help.
Friday I called because my nursing supervisor needed to know any limitations I would have upon returning to work and they said none. So I forced myself to walk on the foot with the boot knowing I would have to come Monday. After going to Target with my Mom I knew that this boot was also malfunctioning. I called them again and they said to come to their walk in clinic and see a doctor who may put me in a cast as I by then was requesting. When the doctor came in he asked if anyone had told me my MRI results yet, and we said no. He said oh ok well I will tell you. How is you foot? Still hurting? and I said yes. He said ok well that's because you have two breaks. One on each side of your ankle. I was like WOW I really hurt myself! But also like HA I KNEW IT WAS BROKEN!!! (I like to be right :) He put me in cast said no weight bearing because the bones I broke are major weight bearing bones. Wrote me a note for work and off we went. I still have to follow up with a foot/ankle specialist on the 22nd but until then atleast I know my foot is secure like it needs to be, even thought the cast is a pain.
OH YEAH!! This week has not been a good week for us because we took Lucy back to the vet about her left back leg and she also has a torn ACL (probably from slipping in the snow/ice) and needs surgery. We met with the same surgeon who did Sadie's knee. Sadie had a follow up so we took Lucy at the same time. He was SOO understanding and said if or when we decided to do her surgery he would be willing to take payments from us vs. having to pay it all up front. That is not something they usually do so I was VERY thankful. But he did understand we have to wait for taxes and some more updates on my foot/ leg before we can move on to Lucy's. So basically all three of the girls in our little family are having leg problems!!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Sexy Sadie and the long and winding road to recovery
Well it has been almost 3 weeks since Sadie had her knee surgery and she is doing wonderful! She hated every second she was forced to wear the cone but we knew we had to force her so she wouldn't tear her stitches. We started to do slight range of motion exercises and very short walks around our yard to keep her from complete muscle atrophy. We spent some time at my parents' house and took Sadie with us. She laid on the couch and accepted any pets her Grandparent's had to offer. Even demanding them at some points. One night we were there with just my Mom because my Dad was out of town on business; we ate dinner while Sadie was on the couch and then my Mom went to sit on the couch. Sadie immediately stood up and made her way to my Mom's side putting her front paws on her lap and laying her head down. It was SOO sweet! My Mom has always loved Sadie but was able to witness the truth in our saying how sweet and cuddly she really is. In the past Sadie was always very hyper and jumpy around my parents....maybe she is growing up! Well we will see anyway. ...
Last Friday was a wonderful day, Sadie and I took a trip further into Elgin and got her stitches out! The vet said he had never seen a dog do so well in recovery from this surgery as Sadie has done. I was so happy and proud. The doctor and all the employees at the animal hospital LOVE Sadie! She is not so sure about them though....at least not anymore...Not long after her surgery we had to take her back to the hospital to spend the day as a patient due to a side effect from her antibiotics. Poor girl was having awful diarrhea and her rear was very uncomfortable and inflamed. They took care of her and gave her some new medicines to combat this side effect and we took extra care to keep her clean after potty with baby wipes. It was a rough couple days but she is all better now.
So now Sadie is allowed to take 15 minute walks that can include some hills and we go back for a recheck in another week (4 weeks post op). She thinks she is all better and has taken to being sneaky when we allow her some freedom from her crate...sometimes she will suddenly appear in the kitchen when we left her on the couch..or even worse we find her on our bed! She is not supposed to jump up or down anything yet, but I think she is okay. She is certainly a very ornery dog (much like her Mom I know LOL). I am ready for her to be better but I can tell she is already better than before the surgery!! She has some of her "beardie bounce" back and it makes my heart so happy! I don't know what I would do without my three wonderful dogs!
Last Friday was a wonderful day, Sadie and I took a trip further into Elgin and got her stitches out! The vet said he had never seen a dog do so well in recovery from this surgery as Sadie has done. I was so happy and proud. The doctor and all the employees at the animal hospital LOVE Sadie! She is not so sure about them though....at least not anymore...Not long after her surgery we had to take her back to the hospital to spend the day as a patient due to a side effect from her antibiotics. Poor girl was having awful diarrhea and her rear was very uncomfortable and inflamed. They took care of her and gave her some new medicines to combat this side effect and we took extra care to keep her clean after potty with baby wipes. It was a rough couple days but she is all better now.
So now Sadie is allowed to take 15 minute walks that can include some hills and we go back for a recheck in another week (4 weeks post op). She thinks she is all better and has taken to being sneaky when we allow her some freedom from her crate...sometimes she will suddenly appear in the kitchen when we left her on the couch..or even worse we find her on our bed! She is not supposed to jump up or down anything yet, but I think she is okay. She is certainly a very ornery dog (much like her Mom I know LOL). I am ready for her to be better but I can tell she is already better than before the surgery!! She has some of her "beardie bounce" back and it makes my heart so happy! I don't know what I would do without my three wonderful dogs!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
The adventure of Sadie's surgery and the first night home...plus sad Lucy
Well on Monday we got about 5 inches of snow at our house which was then followed by freezing rain and ice. We let Sadie and Lucy play in the snow and they had a lot of fun. We also took Lucy to my in laws house when we went to sled, while we were there we played on their trampoline and Lucy had fun playing with her "uncle" Luke. That night she was a little stiff but we were not very concerned. She seemed to get better the next few days.
Wednesday night I got a bag ready to take to the animal hospital for Sadie's surgery on Thursday, I packed two of her blankets and the new racoon toy we bought for her. When we woke up early Thursday I wanted to cry, Lucy was now holding up HER back left leg and not using it at all! I just couldn't believe that this could happen, a little fun in the snow and now it looked like she may have a torn cruciate too! Well we decided to give it a few days to see if she got better or worse and we put Lucy in her crate with breakfast and left Sgt. Pepper out in the living room with his breakfast and took off with Sadie to the animal hospital in Elgin. We checked her in and gave the vet tech Sadie's bag of blankets and toy gave her a kiss and left. It was hard for me to leave her and I almost cried again, but was sure they would take good care of my girl. We both went off to work and I thought about Sadie all day.
During my lunch break they called to let me know Sadie was doing fine that they were running pre op blood work on her and had her IV in, but that an emergency C-section had come in and Sadie would have to wait until that was taken care of. When I was on my way home from work the Doctor called and told me that Sadie was doing great and that the knee definately needed to be taken care of, but that other than the torn cruciate and a small tear to her meniscus she was in great shape. There was no sign of harm to the bones in her knee joint. He told me she was on a drip for pain and would be all night and that she was sleeping and in no pain. They would call me in the morning to let me know when to come pick her up.
Friday morning I woke up very very sick. I thought I had already had this stomach bug on Wednesday when Stephen did and we both stayed home form work. Well apparently this bug was just giving me a preview on Wednesday and showed up full force on Friday! I was miserable and unsure if I would be able to pick Sadie up from the hospital. Well through sheer force of will I managed to get her home that afternoon and then we both took a nap.
I was awakened from my nap by Sadie crying/whining from her crate. It broke my heart. I took her potty outside (made difficult by the still present ice) and gave her some food and water. Her pain medicine's were prescribed for twice a day but I could tell she was still in pain. So I called the vet and they said I could give one of them to her every 4 hours. I gave her the medicine and then let her lay on the couch while I sat next to her so she could have the cone off. She soon was sleeping peacefully. When Stephen came home he helped me care for Sadie and our other two dogs. We gave Sadie all her medicine (after some struggle, she is quite sneaky with pills!) and put the cone back on her and put her in the crate around 10pm. Well we were woken up at 1am and took her potty and went back to bed. At 2 am she woke us up again crying so we gave her more pain medicine and went back to bed. At 5 am we woke up again and Stephen decided to put her on the couch and sit by her so I could sleep. Then a few hours later we switched. It was a VERY long night!! Today we called the vet to see if we could get a sedative to allow her to sleep in the cone, as we were now convinced that the cone scared her SO much that she was crying and panting excessively. Stephen is out getting the medicine now and we are praying it works so we can ALL get some sleep tonight!
Wednesday night I got a bag ready to take to the animal hospital for Sadie's surgery on Thursday, I packed two of her blankets and the new racoon toy we bought for her. When we woke up early Thursday I wanted to cry, Lucy was now holding up HER back left leg and not using it at all! I just couldn't believe that this could happen, a little fun in the snow and now it looked like she may have a torn cruciate too! Well we decided to give it a few days to see if she got better or worse and we put Lucy in her crate with breakfast and left Sgt. Pepper out in the living room with his breakfast and took off with Sadie to the animal hospital in Elgin. We checked her in and gave the vet tech Sadie's bag of blankets and toy gave her a kiss and left. It was hard for me to leave her and I almost cried again, but was sure they would take good care of my girl. We both went off to work and I thought about Sadie all day.
During my lunch break they called to let me know Sadie was doing fine that they were running pre op blood work on her and had her IV in, but that an emergency C-section had come in and Sadie would have to wait until that was taken care of. When I was on my way home from work the Doctor called and told me that Sadie was doing great and that the knee definately needed to be taken care of, but that other than the torn cruciate and a small tear to her meniscus she was in great shape. There was no sign of harm to the bones in her knee joint. He told me she was on a drip for pain and would be all night and that she was sleeping and in no pain. They would call me in the morning to let me know when to come pick her up.
Friday morning I woke up very very sick. I thought I had already had this stomach bug on Wednesday when Stephen did and we both stayed home form work. Well apparently this bug was just giving me a preview on Wednesday and showed up full force on Friday! I was miserable and unsure if I would be able to pick Sadie up from the hospital. Well through sheer force of will I managed to get her home that afternoon and then we both took a nap.
I was awakened from my nap by Sadie crying/whining from her crate. It broke my heart. I took her potty outside (made difficult by the still present ice) and gave her some food and water. Her pain medicine's were prescribed for twice a day but I could tell she was still in pain. So I called the vet and they said I could give one of them to her every 4 hours. I gave her the medicine and then let her lay on the couch while I sat next to her so she could have the cone off. She soon was sleeping peacefully. When Stephen came home he helped me care for Sadie and our other two dogs. We gave Sadie all her medicine (after some struggle, she is quite sneaky with pills!) and put the cone back on her and put her in the crate around 10pm. Well we were woken up at 1am and took her potty and went back to bed. At 2 am she woke us up again crying so we gave her more pain medicine and went back to bed. At 5 am we woke up again and Stephen decided to put her on the couch and sit by her so I could sleep. Then a few hours later we switched. It was a VERY long night!! Today we called the vet to see if we could get a sedative to allow her to sleep in the cone, as we were now convinced that the cone scared her SO much that she was crying and panting excessively. Stephen is out getting the medicine now and we are praying it works so we can ALL get some sleep tonight!
Friday, January 7, 2011
an update on Sadie
Today I took Sadie to see the surgeon in Elgin. He said Sadie was a good candidate for surgery as she is only 53 pounds and not technically a large breed dog which would require her to have TPLO. He said she may never get back to 100% but that with a lot of work on our part he thinks she will do well. Unfortunately every vet we go to says she will have arthritis and that there is about a 40% chance her other knee will do the same thing. I scheduled her surgery for next Thursday. I am nervous about her with anesthesia, but I know they are doing blood work to try to catch any problems. I know she will be in pain and I will be sad. Also they have to shave all the pretty hair off of her leg, which while I know this is such a small part of it, it will make me sad. I know she will be on strict crate rest for at least 2 weeks and then we will be doing some at home physical therapy, range of motion exercises etc. to keep her muscles from atrophy. The vet said the best would be water exercise at a vet physical therapist but Sadie HATES and is terrified of water! But I may still check into it...maybe. I know this is going to be hard on all of us, Lucy already is sad and misses playing with her "sister" but maybe a few months from now Sadie will be almost back to her old self. I sure hope so. I am praying that this surgery option works for us or else we may be having to do the TPLO someday in the future anyway!
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