Just a few thoughts...

It has been a tough couple of weeks for me. I knew Mother's Day was coming and to say it was a painful idea is just the tip of the ice berg. I also have a niece due any day and while I am truly happy for her parents it is also hard for me knowing we can't experience those same feelings. It makes me mad that for us having a child will be so technical and involve many people and be extremely planned. When we got married I told Stephen I was looking forward to telling him I was pregnant someday and it being a complete shock. Well he turned to me and said, no, it will be when we plan it. HA! Guess he gets his wish....Now we are looking at the calender, looking at money, looking at jobs etc and then deciding when might be the best time to tell the doctor we want to start the long and tedious process of IVF. Truth be told I don't want to give myself multiple shots a day and be poked and prodded. It all just seems so unfair! But if the end result is a baby then I'm more than willing to do it.

I knew Mother's Day was gonna suck for me. I have a great husband that got me a card from my fur kids and it made me cry...he is so sweet. Lately I don't know how to make it through things, I am trying to protect myself from yet more pain, but it never goes away. I have been to all the baby showers and congratulated new parents, friends and family. While I am happy for them a part of me seems to break every time. I've grown tired of crying on my way home from my in laws from seeing my niece and nephew so I started avoiding it. I hope you can understand why. All the Christian infertility books I've read say its ok, but I'm such a "people pleaser" I worry and stress about that too!

Some days I don't know how I can possibly keep going. I try to stay strong and give my dogs a hug (I am SOOO thankful for them!!) and talk to my husband. When I feel all alone in my pain I remember that I have him and know that others have been in my shoes. I don't know why we have been given this burden but I try to remember that God is in control, He has a plan for us and that this will make us love and appreciate any children we are given THAT much more! Now I want to share a Mother's Day poem I found on an infertility blog:    

“Happy Mother's Day”

It comes around every year;

but when you have empty arms,

it's very hard to hear.

It's a day to celebrate a mother,

for all the trials she overcame;

and a reminder to an infertile

of her loneliness and shame.

But what really makes a mother,

Is it just conception and birth?

Or is there something more,

that shows a mother's worth?

It's putting your child first,

in everything you do;

it's sacrifice and determination,

and love and patience too.

An infertile woman makes all her plans,

around a child not yet conceived;

she loves them even though they aren't here,

more than she ever could have believed.

She appreciates and understands,

what a blessing that children are;

she works hard for just a chance,

that motherhood is not that far.

All odds are stacked against her,

and yet she still has hope;

everyday is another struggle,

finding ways to help her cope.

So even though her arms are empty,

she can still be a mother too;

So say a special “Happy Mother's Day”

                                       for those waiting for their dreams to come true!

I know Mother's Day is over, I'm a little late but I thought it was very nice. If you think about us we appreciate your prayers.