Remembering a wonderful woman

Sometimes when I wake up on weekend mornings it is still early (guess my body is just used to getting up) but I force myself to lie there. I tend to think a lot during these times and sometimes my thoughts make me cry. Lately I think about our recent struggles with infertility. This is something I NEVER thought we would face. It is incredibly hard to want a baby your whole life and "know" you would be awesome parents but be told that outside of In Vitro Fertilization (hence forth to be known as IVF) your chances together are 2%!!! So maybe you can see why I wake up and think about things and end up crying. Well Saturday was one of those mornings and after I cried and felt sorry for myself the day went on as usual. But Sunday morning I woke up and started thinking of my Grandmommy. My Mom's Mom. This topic also brought the tears (and still does.....but hey I'm a pretty emotional person).

She was a big part of my life growing up and was always a steady rock. She was the most easy going person you would every meet. When I was in high school she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Which is a degenerative disease that affects the brain. It was hard to understand what was going to happen, all I knew was that she was having trouble remembering things and that she could no longer live by herself. One summer (I think before my Senior year but I'm not sure anymore) she came to stay at our house for a few months. We had a great time. She loved being with my Mom and hanging out with us and the cats. We always had someone with her but she was fairly "normal" at this time. We even took her to Charleston and while she moved slower and we had to not do as much we had a great time. She and my Mom talked about her moving here and even found an assisted living place near my parents house that she said she liked. But  there were some issues among her children and she never came to stay with us that summer. Eventually she did move here to be close to my Mom who went to see her EVERY day. (and we all went a lot). But she was not the same Grandmommy of just a few months before. Her disease had progressed very fast and she seemed to no longer recognize us or put names with faces. It was heart breaking. But we loved her and went to see her telling her about her life and showing her pictures. She was still soo sweet and always wanted to do something. She liked to go for rides from her special Alzheimer's assisted living unit to visit the cats at my Mom's house and see the ducks and geese. She really only liked it if my Dad drove, if my Mom did she acted just like a Mom telling her to be careful. It was something we just had to find humorous or lose ourselves in grief. One of my fondest memories of this hard time was going to visit her just me and my Mom. I have been told numerous times I look "just like" my Mom. Well apparently my Grandmommy thought so too because one day while visiting she looked at me then over to my Mom and back and forth, then said "Oh! There is two of you!!" with a huge smile on her face.  As if it was the best thing in the world. And really to her it probably was.

Well suffice it to say her disease got worse and worse. She eventually really didn't seem to know who we were. Sometimes something would seem to trigger a memory: riding in the front seat next to my Dad seemed to make her remember riding in a car with her husband. Seeing my brother grow up sometimes when we visited she talked to him as if he were one of her sons. We went along with these things and just tried to make her happy. Eventually she didn't really talk any more and it got harder and harder to go see her because it was hard to connect her with the vibrant loving Grandmommy I had known. But we did. My wonderful, amazing Mother went EVERY day. Even when she would come home in tears for the woman who brought her into this world. We hated this disease and felt for any other families going through it. Eventually, as is the case most of the time with Alzheimer's, my Grandmommy got pneumonia. The doctors told us this was it. We moved her to my parent's house and had hospice come in to help us care for her. Even though I was no longer living with my parents I came back to stay and help. I was in the midst of nursing school and felt I could help care for her in special ways that others in my family couldn't. We cared for her and loved her, prayed next to her and cried as she went home to be with the Lord in March of 2007. I know she is in heaven dancing with her husband and praising God.

I wish she had never had to go through this awful disease. I wish my family didn't have to witness it and try to help her through it. Diseases like this can tear families apart. But I am also thankful because in a very sad way it brought me closer to her. I got to spend the last years of her life living in the same city. Before we lived 1000 miles apart. She taught me a lot in those last few years. I've been told I have her green eyes and my reddish-blond hair is partially attributed to her; but the most important thing I learned was LOVE. She was a woman who loved her family. It was evident even when she could no longer voice her love. I also credit her for leading me to be a nurse. Helping care for her opened a love of caring for those who cannot care for themselves.

It may seem odd that I woke up Sunday and thought of my Grandmommy, but honestly I think of her often. Really, every time I look at my left hand. My Mom gave me her Mom's engagement and wedding rings when Stephen and I got engaged. She felt that my Grandmommy would have wanted me to have them. It may not have the biggest diamond but I remember a wonderful woman and the man that loved her every time I see them on my hand. She was so special to me in life and she is very special to me after her death. When I look at my beautiful rings I know I will never forget her or her story.