Remembering a wonderful woman

Sometimes when I wake up on weekend mornings it is still early (guess my body is just used to getting up) but I force myself to lie there. I tend to think a lot during these times and sometimes my thoughts make me cry. Lately I think about our recent struggles with infertility. This is something I NEVER thought we would face. It is incredibly hard to want a baby your whole life and "know" you would be awesome parents but be told that outside of In Vitro Fertilization (hence forth to be known as IVF) your chances together are 2%!!! So maybe you can see why I wake up and think about things and end up crying. Well Saturday was one of those mornings and after I cried and felt sorry for myself the day went on as usual. But Sunday morning I woke up and started thinking of my Grandmommy. My Mom's Mom. This topic also brought the tears (and still does.....but hey I'm a pretty emotional person).

She was a big part of my life growing up and was always a steady rock. She was the most easy going person you would every meet. When I was in high school she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Which is a degenerative disease that affects the brain. It was hard to understand what was going to happen, all I knew was that she was having trouble remembering things and that she could no longer live by herself. One summer (I think before my Senior year but I'm not sure anymore) she came to stay at our house for a few months. We had a great time. She loved being with my Mom and hanging out with us and the cats. We always had someone with her but she was fairly "normal" at this time. We even took her to Charleston and while she moved slower and we had to not do as much we had a great time. She and my Mom talked about her moving here and even found an assisted living place near my parents house that she said she liked. But  there were some issues among her children and she never came to stay with us that summer. Eventually she did move here to be close to my Mom who went to see her EVERY day. (and we all went a lot). But she was not the same Grandmommy of just a few months before. Her disease had progressed very fast and she seemed to no longer recognize us or put names with faces. It was heart breaking. But we loved her and went to see her telling her about her life and showing her pictures. She was still soo sweet and always wanted to do something. She liked to go for rides from her special Alzheimer's assisted living unit to visit the cats at my Mom's house and see the ducks and geese. She really only liked it if my Dad drove, if my Mom did she acted just like a Mom telling her to be careful. It was something we just had to find humorous or lose ourselves in grief. One of my fondest memories of this hard time was going to visit her just me and my Mom. I have been told numerous times I look "just like" my Mom. Well apparently my Grandmommy thought so too because one day while visiting she looked at me then over to my Mom and back and forth, then said "Oh! There is two of you!!" with a huge smile on her face.  As if it was the best thing in the world. And really to her it probably was.

Well suffice it to say her disease got worse and worse. She eventually really didn't seem to know who we were. Sometimes something would seem to trigger a memory: riding in the front seat next to my Dad seemed to make her remember riding in a car with her husband. Seeing my brother grow up sometimes when we visited she talked to him as if he were one of her sons. We went along with these things and just tried to make her happy. Eventually she didn't really talk any more and it got harder and harder to go see her because it was hard to connect her with the vibrant loving Grandmommy I had known. But we did. My wonderful, amazing Mother went EVERY day. Even when she would come home in tears for the woman who brought her into this world. We hated this disease and felt for any other families going through it. Eventually, as is the case most of the time with Alzheimer's, my Grandmommy got pneumonia. The doctors told us this was it. We moved her to my parent's house and had hospice come in to help us care for her. Even though I was no longer living with my parents I came back to stay and help. I was in the midst of nursing school and felt I could help care for her in special ways that others in my family couldn't. We cared for her and loved her, prayed next to her and cried as she went home to be with the Lord in March of 2007. I know she is in heaven dancing with her husband and praising God.

I wish she had never had to go through this awful disease. I wish my family didn't have to witness it and try to help her through it. Diseases like this can tear families apart. But I am also thankful because in a very sad way it brought me closer to her. I got to spend the last years of her life living in the same city. Before we lived 1000 miles apart. She taught me a lot in those last few years. I've been told I have her green eyes and my reddish-blond hair is partially attributed to her; but the most important thing I learned was LOVE. She was a woman who loved her family. It was evident even when she could no longer voice her love. I also credit her for leading me to be a nurse. Helping care for her opened a love of caring for those who cannot care for themselves.

It may seem odd that I woke up Sunday and thought of my Grandmommy, but honestly I think of her often. Really, every time I look at my left hand. My Mom gave me her Mom's engagement and wedding rings when Stephen and I got engaged. She felt that my Grandmommy would have wanted me to have them. It may not have the biggest diamond but I remember a wonderful woman and the man that loved her every time I see them on my hand. She was so special to me in life and she is very special to me after her death. When I look at my beautiful rings I know I will never forget her or her story.

The Broken Ankle Saga continues...

Well I went to the doctor on February 22nd and they took my first green cast off. I met the ankle specialist and he said he wanted me back in another cast because I broke one of the hardest bones to heal. In most cases when this bone breaks patients need a pin put in to hold the bone together. Fortunately he thought I had not broken it badly enough to warrant surgery but that given time it would heal itself. I got a new cast, this time a light blue and was told to wait 10 days before trying to walk and then if it hurt to much after that to wait.

Well let me tell you it is sure hard to be a nurse on crutches! Before I broke my ankle I was the "runner" in our little team. Constantly grabbing new patients and checking them in, doing skin test, giving allergy shots, getting charts etc. Well obviously this had to change. My being one of two nurses in our office meant Debbie has had to take on that role (which she was a big part of before given the amount of patients we see a day, but I did more running due to her arthritis in her knee, plus she is SOO much better at dealing with patients on the phone after almost 30 years of being an allergy nurse!) We have such a great group working with our doctor that came together to help Debbie and I in this tough situation.
I am still giving a lot of allergy shots and checking in patients with the help of our admin. assistant who walks them back to a room. Also the doctor I work for is amazing! He has no problem checking in a patient himself, doing the skin tests himself etc. I really could not work for a better doctor and I think I am quite spoiled!! Still the amount of standing and moving with the crutches is exhausting. Just grabbing our encounter sheets for allergy shots and pulling their shot records, getting vials and shots ready plus calling patient after patient in a row is enough to make me want to pass out. Sometimes with the kids especially I sit in my chair so that I am on their level and bending down is difficult.I do have a rolling chair so I am able to put this to use in our little "closet" of a shot room. But as well as working for a great doctor and having a fantastic co-nurse and admin assistant I have some pretty good patients. Many told me my first week back I shouldn't be working and I would just say well I have to earn some money for all these medical bills haha. Some gave me hugs and my many kids ask me how my foot is, "is it better?" "does it hurt?" and most tell me they hope I get better soon. In more recent weeks my patients tell me I look like I feel better so I wonder what I must have looked like when I came back to work a week after I broke it.....

Well last weekend it had been 10 days since my appointment so I tried walking on the ankle some but it hurt SO bad that I pretty much gave up. The doctor told me if it hurt too much to wait. Today was another appointment with the doctor. My Mom and brother Luke took me (it is kinda funny to have my Mom take me to the doctor as she hasn't in years! But nice too) They took my blue cast off and took some x rays. I was able to scratch my leg and see how much my muscles have atrophied. I now have one skinny leg! It was soo weird that after they took the cast off I promptly rolled up my jeans on my other leg took my shoe and sock off and took a picture with my phone. When the doctor came in he said my x rays were looking good and that my ankle seemed less painful when he palpated it and that the swelling had gone down as well. I told him about the pain and he said some of that was normal it will hurt and if it goes away it is fine. He put me back in a cast to give it a bit more time to heal (purple this time!) and made it a walking cast and told me to start walking on it and get rid of the crutches soon. I asked him about my toes because they swell up everyday when I am at work and he said that it was normal for my type of injury. I go back in 3 weeks at which time I will probably be put in a walking boot. Sometimes I wonder if I will every get to wear 2 shoes again, much less the brand new nude color Jessica Simpson heels I bought a week before the break and never got to wear! I'm hoping by summer I will be back to two shoes and able to exercise some. But really I just want to be able to cook, bake, do my own laundry and CLEAN MY HOUSE!! I never thought I would be dying to clean but I really am. Don't get me wrong my hubby is very kind and caring but our definitions of clean are NOT the same!

THE BEACH!!

sunset on an island looking toward Fripp with the green cast :)

my blue cast and my sweet shaggy dog!

in my blue cast a Mary's baby shower

my poor hairy skinny leg :(

my new purple cast!